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The real beauty

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Our son is really interested in watches and how they work. As a gift, we wanted to buy him something larger to tinker with and discover, so we bought him a chiming Westminster Clock. My husband had worked in someone’s house who stripped them down and displayed them in a much more contemporary way and as our son is an artist, we thought this may interest him. When it arrived, we were really pleased with it and once it settled in, it was working perfectly.

We ended up keeping this clock for much longer than we had anticipated, as we were both ill and then so was Sam, so we got really used to it’s beautiful chimes every quarter of an hour.

It’s antique wood was polished and graced with beautiful curves. The glass door at the front opened to reveal a beautifully shiny and perfect face and it sang out with a melodic chime every 15 mins. I will mention at this point, that thankfully we could turn this off at night, as at that time, it may not have been such a welcomed noise! Apologies for the quality of some of the photos, as I took them from the original listing. I should have taken photos of it’s lovely form whilst it was here but unfortunately…I didn’t!

The time eventually came when the clock was finally introduced to it’s new owner. Sam was absolutely thrilled with it and immediately mesmerised with it’s beautiful chimes, which were produced by the clock’s tiny four hammers inside. He immediately opened the back of the clock to see the notes being tapped out in perfect harmony. Every cog turned slowly, as it’s intricate design caused it to tick exactly as it was created to do.

As our son proudly and carefully carried it to the car to take it to it’s new home, my husband and I were really glad that he was so happy with it, but unexpectedly, a little sad to see it go.

Less than an hour later we received the photo on the above right. I’ll be honest, as much as we expected this to happen, we were a bit shocked, but knowing full well that the beauty and proper workings of the clock were behind the face, Sam couldn’t wait to reveal it and had broken the outside of it away to reveal the inside. This was the part that was behind the face, which no-one ever saw and I’m sure you’ll agree, it is truly amazing! He is going to proudly display it on it’s new stand for all to enjoy.

I’m sure by now, you’re cracking on to what I’m getting at with this little story. To keep up with “appearances” and often to people please, most of us have a shiny and pleasing outer shell. That’s not to say that people don’t hear the beautiful chimes of the real person inside from time to time but we often want them to see what we want them to see and no more, in case they reject us.

The world is full of opportunities to “case polish”. Anti-ageing creams, expensive fashion and camera filters. All of which cost a small fortune. I’ll admit, I’m not so interested in those things but where I have “case polished” in my life has been more about saying the “right” things, doing the “right” things and avoiding conflict. It’s interesting to me that each and EVERY person is different. Every individual is crafted uniquely, yet, we spend so much time trying to be anything but ourselves. In doing so, sadly, we are concealing the real beauty of who we are inside.

I Samuel 16:7b, the Bible says

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

God is interested in who we really are on the inside, not a polished front we create for others to see, which is why it is that, that He works on. It says in 2 Corinthians 4:16

So no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being is being renewed every single day.

The Bible says in Romans that God works everything together for good. That is to say, He uses everything we go through to grow us, mould us and shape us on the inside. If we don’t allow Him in, then He’s unable to do that. We might think we’re keeping Him from seeing who we really are but He sees us and knows us completely. There’s nothing we can hide from Him. He sees the beauty within us, even when we can’t and He can give us the strength to emerge from hiding who we really are, so we can build true and authentic relationships.

It may be scary to allow yourself to feel vulnerable in letting people see and get to know the real you but it’s the most precious and beautiful part of you. Yes, it’s a risk but it’s where true and real relationships are made. What’s sad is that everyone is so often concerned with covering up the real person within them, that it causes more shame in other people’s lives because they feel they can’t match up to the perfection that’s being portrayed. They feel they’re alone in the things they’re going through. When we allow ourselves to open up, people can relate to us so much better, empathise and understand us more.

I absolutely love this awesome quote from Brené Brown

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

The cogs of that beautiful clock are now in full view and yes, more vulnerable to being knocked or damaged, but now can be so much more appreciated and loved for what really makes up the clock.

I encourage you today to relax in your own skin. Make peace with who you are and break open that outer shell so that people can see the beautiful person you really are. It doesn’t all happen in one day…one step at a time. What step are you going to take today?

When all your enthusiasm for the New Year goes out of the window

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It seems to happen every year doesn’t it?  You get your “word” for the year, you make your resolutions, or you make decisions on what you’re going to do in moving forward…ministry, home, health, family, work and then a week in, you get ill or life happens and everything goes out of the window!  I firmly believe this is why so many people lose their motivation for the coming year and their hopes, plans and resolutions.

As I’ve said many times before, I never liked New Year.  I think it’s because many difficult things have happened in January in the past or I’ve ended up really ill.  Having an auto-immune disease means it often takes me much longer than the average person to recover from viruses.  I always used to feel apprehensive about what a new year might hold in terms of losing someone I care about or illness etc. but ever since God started naming the year for me, it’s given me fresh motivation to move into a new year with enthusiasm.

This, however, does not stop “life” happening or illness striking.  God gave me my Word of the Year “Expand” in preparation for 2024 and I felt really motivated coming into it, that God wanted to gently expand my capacity and his influence through me in all areas of my life.  Then…when the 6th January 2024 arrived, I fell really ill with a horrible flu virus (I had been vaccinated previously but it didn’t seem to make any difference with this particular strain!).  With no energy and no choice but to rest to get my temperature down and help my body recover, everything stopped.  Days of rest turned into weeks and it felt like I was never going to feel normal again.   Now, finally, I feel like I’m coming back up the other side of the dip and finally getting back into things but still feeling tired and sluggish.

It is at THIS point that you and I have a CHOICE.  Do you let all your hopes and dreams for this year remain in the fog and cloud that they’ve disappeared into and meander aimlessly on, or do you take hold of them again and despite your lack of motivation, choose to press forward?  The Bible says…

“I admit that I haven’t yet acquired the absolute fullness that I’m pursuing, but I run with passion into his abundance so that I may reach the purpose for which Christ Jesus laid hold of me to make me his own.”  Phillipians 3:12

Run with PASSION!!  I know that’s not easy when the days are dark and your brain is clouded in fog but it’s the starting that’s always the most difficult.  Pick yourself up and go again!  You can do it! We might have to do this several times but it’s the choice to go again that’s so important.  As you do that, God will fill you with strength to spur you on.

As you get going it spurs other to do the same and to keep going…

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

Ultimately this is talking about pressing on towards the goal of Heaven but that track includes every day of our lives. Don’t let the disappointments of January steal your hope for 2024.  Press on with passion and enable God to make this an incredible year for you and for those around you. 

The Rich Aroma of Dying to Self

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“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less” John 3:3

In this world we live in, of control and self-empowerment, the verse above is probably one of the most scary of the ‘Lessons in life’ scriptures.  Letting go is a daunting thing to all of us…and yet, when we’re talking about allowing God to become more in us why is it such a worrying concept?  Why are we afraid of change?  He is the One who created us, who knows us inside and out and is fully capable of knowing what’s best for us.  He can see what’s gone before us and what is to come.  He loves us more than we can possibly comprehend.

A few years ago, God named my year “The Year of Sacrifice” and I knew it would be difficult but also life-changing in a great way.  Let’s face it, letting things go and changing is often painful, but we know it’s absolutely necessary for growth.  During that time, there was a tree near my caravan that had become very familiar to me.  It was a tree God singled out when He wanted me to give some things over to Him and use it as an example of the cross.  It is there where I laid many hurts…where I expressed such deep pain to my Father…where I celebrated with Him my joys and successes and where I heard His voice deep within my heart.  These moments are precious stones in my history.

Taking in the sights and aromas of Autumn always warms my heart so much.  I love to stop in the moment and watch a leaf fall from a tree with the sunlight streaming through it.  Its’ colours illuminated and stunning.  As I breathe in the rich aroma which hangs in the air, it’s interesting to me that we see so much beauty in this season, when, in actual fact, it is a period of dying in order to make way for new life.  As the leaves change colour and fall from the trees, our senses are enriched with sight and smell.  When this is taking place in the reality of our lives it is so often a time when we feel undone with struggle, pain and difficulty, yet standing in the wood with the sun streaming through the trees and warming my face, I’m reminded that God changes us from the inside out in the light and warmth of His Love.  Never ever does He leave us, He walks us through the process step by step.  When you think about it, why on earth do we struggle and battle against it, when less of us and more of Him means that more of our inner self is being replaced by our loving, gracious, all-sufficient and perfect Father? 

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.” 2 Cor 4:16a MSG

I encourage you today to lay down more of ‘you’ (though I know it’s not easy) and allow Him to become greater and greater within you so that He can work through you more and more.  Allow Him to change the parts of you which are less than desirable and cut those things you’ve got your life wrapped around which aren’t doing you any good.  It might feel difficult now but in time new things will spring up in your life.

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 NLT

Embracing and making peace with sadness

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What is your first thought when I mention sadness? I’m guessing most of you are thinking “Oh no, not a depressing blog! I can do without that, and especially not on a sunny day!”

Amongst other emotions, when God made happiness, He made sadness too! 

So what is sadness? Sadness is an emotional pain that usually has a clear cause, such as losing a loved one, being given a difficult diagnosis, failure at something we pinned our hopes on and the feeling of what could have been or the end of something that won’t return….often the end of a valuable relationship or friendship.  It is a very natural emotion and we generally feel sadness about a loss that is permanent and cannot be changed.  More often than not, it causes us to value our lives and what we have or had.  I want to make it clear that I am not referring to depression here.  Depression is an illness or state which involves a longer period of time of severe and overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. 

There are lots of reasons we can feel sad and my goal here is not to make you feel unhappy, but to encourage you to embrace sadness and make peace with it.  Being sad doesn’t mean you’re not coping with something, it actually enables you to come to terms with it more.   It also enables us to recognise the fact that it is not natural to pursue and feel happiness all the time.  Happiness is a great emotion but it also ebbs and flows.  In embracing sadness, we give ourselves permission to not always be ok. 

Right from a very young age, we are told to cheer up if we ever feel sad.  Passive phrases like “chin up” and “you’ll be fine” are really unhelpful.  When at school, we were often discouraged from feeling sad and throughout life it’s been modelled to us that it’s something to be avoided. 

Many people feel fear about sadness and prefer not to talk about anything that could steal away their “happy feeling”.  I understand people not wanting to dig up a well of emotion but I believe sadness is made to be felt and not ignored.  So often, prevention of those moments of sadness, can cause it to build up into a huge knot of emotion within us that then makes us more “hard” and can affect our ability then to feel joy too.  As Ann Voskamp rightly says in her book, The Broken Way, “pain demands to be felt – or it will demand you feel nothing at all”.  We don’t need to be afraid of falling into depression when we feel natural sadness…the Bible says

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken” Psalm 55:22

I think two enormous benefits of acknowledging sadness are that it enables you to have compassion on yourself, to understand the hardships you’ve faced and where you’re at in your life now, which in turn often causes a person to make fresh goals and to have compassion on others.  It also enables you to honour those you’ve lost, by allowing yourself to think about them, even though it makes you feel sad.  It usually moves towards us like a wave, washes over us and dissipates.  Allowing ourselves to feel it through this short recurring  and momentary process, grounds us more about where we’re at in our lives and enables us to continue to come to terms with it.

Many times I’ve seen people have a glimpse of sadness in their eyes when sharing with me about something and “throw it off” because they don’t want to feel it or because they don’t want to bring me down, but each time we allow ourselves to feel sad, we are processing it and enabling ourselves to heal.   It’s an emotion I feel we need to make peace with within our lives and then we will not allow fear to attach itself to it.  It’s actually really healthy to feel it and also helpful to share with others as it gives them a deeper understanding of who we are and what we’ve been through.  In listening to other’s sadness, we’re able to empathise because we understand what sadness is and what it feels like. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

It’s hard as Christians because there’s always this stigma that we should be constantly joyful.  As a result, it often makes a person feel guilty about sharing something that sounds “negative” but as you can see in the previous scripture, God knows that we will be sad at times and need comfort. I don’t think for a second that Jesus felt joyful when he was on the cross.  I think God feels sad when He looks at so much in our world.  To feel sad is real and authentic.  What a strange and plastic world we would live in if we were happy all the time, never feeling our deepest emotions.  It would be so shallow.  Do I tell the people who have lost babies in the recent story in the news to be happy all the time? No, they have deep grief and will always feel sad when they think of their lost child and the things they could have shared. It’s still important for them to think of that beautiful baby and feel sad for their own loss and the life that that child will never have. Should I ignore that story because it makes me feel sad and I can do without that in my life? No, because it IS deeply sad. and whilst I am not directly involved, it still makes me feel sad to think about what happened…as I’m sure it does many people.  Grief and sadness are of course different emotions but both need to be felt to enable us to process them in some way…some grief and sadness will never heal but experiencing it does help us emotionally.   

I’m not suggesting that we should walk around in sadness all the time…when that wave of sadness comes, allow yourself to feel it and after a while it will pass.  Sometimes, we have mixed emotions when remembering someone…sometimes I think of my Dad and smile or chuckle, sometimes I think of him and feel sad.  I feel that both emotions honour and remember him and also validate how much I miss him. 

God created sadness for a reason.  I don’t believe it’s just a result of living.  I believe He uses it to heal us and to help us realise what we value within our lives.  Often if we can’t acknowledge how sad we are, we get stuck and struggle to try new adventures.  If you failed at something you really thought was going to be lifechanging it can prevent you from moving on.  Allowing yourself to feel the sadness and disappointment when it comes can help you to slow down and make fresh decisions to try again or pursue something else in your life. 

The Bible says that “The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed in pain.” Psalm 34:18a TPT.   In Matt 11:28 “Then Jesus said “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.” 

Jesus understands sadness.  He was rejected by His closest friends, shamed by the whole city when hung upon the cross and separated from his Father.  He can do what you and I can’t…he can sit with you in the depths of your sadness and with him you can pour the tears of your heart into his hands.  There is nothing he does not understand.  He has sat with millions upon millions of people in their sadness.  

I encourage you to allow those waves of sadness to wash over you when you feel them, be kind to yourself and acknowledge those things that are difficult in your life and rest in the comfort of the wings of God until it dissipates. 

Psalm 91: “His massive arms are wrapped around you, protecting you.” TPT “He will cover you with his feathers.  He will shelter you with his wings” NLT. 

He’s got you.

Menopause: nothing or definitely something??

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I guess the answer to this question will span over a large spectrum. Some women breeze through the menopause and have no idea what other women are talking about when they complain of symptoms. For others, it changes their lives out of all recognition. I would put myself right in the middle of that range.

As I grew older and into “that window” (btw…how on earth did I get here already??), I expected to start having hot flushes and night sweats. I was familiar with the fact that I might become a bit forgetful. However, I was not prepared for the thick blanket of brain fog…the rollercoaster of mood…feeling like I don’t quite know myself anymore…or losing my motivation and creativity (it was still there…I just had to make myself search for it!).

Maybe you’re going through this right now and feel completely lost…

What on earth is happening to me?

Why don’t I feel in control of my life anymore?

I’m normally so organised but at the moment, holding my plans and keeping on top of things feels like trying to keep hold of a pile of wet fish!

I can’t get out of bed in a morning with all these aches and pains, everyone is getting on my nerves and my head feels like mush (oh wait a sec while I just have a hot flush)!

Sound familiar?

It’s so often at times like these that we try to “fix” ourselves and “make” ourselves be ok! Not possible I’m afraid…but there IS hope. There is some fantastic medication out there which can help to bring balance to your body and so it’s important to see a doctor (as well as having several showers a day and…) what was I going to say? I don’t know, I’ve forgotten. It’ll come back to me…(it doesn’t :D).

This is a time we need to rest in the arms of God. To hear his affirmation over us.

Psalm 91: 1-2

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.

No one knows us like our Father. He knows us better than we know ourselves and when our body and mind is going through a strange transition, He sees us and He understands. He never undervalues it. Yes, in the scheme of things, me or you going through the menopause is a very small thing but to us, at that time, it’s hard and He values that, He values us and walks through it with us. I think one of the hardest things about the menopause is that we’re not exactly sure when it begins and we certainly don’t know when it will end. For me, I just realised after a few years that things were calming down and I felt more motivated and less emotional. I’m still waiting for my memory to get back in line but I’m sure some of that is my age! We can’t fix what we don’t understand and what we can’t have no control over.

Phil 4:6-7

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I love this…it’s the perfect model in any situation.

Don’t worry

Pray… Pour out your heart and share with God what you need

Thank Him for all He has done and is doing

When we thank Him, our focus shifts from worry and desperation, to hope and thankfulness. Try it, it really works!

Finally, as you do this, take time to rest or take a break by going for a walk and let His peace wash over you. He’s got you!

Between the gates

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What an odd way to start a blog…not IN somewhere or something…but between it! 🙂  This is where I feel I’ve been for quite a while…between the gates. 

It’s that place where you’ve emerged from one gate and closed it but haven’t gone through the next one yet.  At first, being between the gates may feel like a relief…you’ve just come out of a job, a difficult relationship or an era of your life that’s come to an end.  Maybe you feel a sense of completion or maybe you feel lost – having no idea what is coming next.  Maybe you feel hurt or tired and need healing or time for restoration.  It’s difficult because you can see where you’ve come from and know what that feels like, but you can’t see very much of where you’re going…maybe just a glimpse but certainly nothing you can be sure of.

Dwelling between the gates generally feels like a safe place in the beginning.  It’s kind of like the no man’s land where you can rest and very little is expected of you.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly”  Matt 11:28-30

It’s a place where God can gently strip away habits or ways that He doesn’t want us to carry ahead with us and where new creativity can be born and grown.  It’s super important that we rest in God as long as He calls us to and don’t try to go rushing straight through the next gate.  Some of God’s greatest work is done within us in this place between the gates.  Our relationship with Him deepens in ways it could never do when we’re rushing around in busyness and distracted by new and exciting adventures.  Of course there’s learning in that too…but it’s different.

When we are here, we are not hiding or isolating…we are resting, healing, being restored and later being equipped. I implore you never to rush ahead when God is calling you to stop.  You’re just not ready yet.  After a while, God will begin to equip us, to bring fresh vision and dreams, to grow some of our gifts and prepare us for the next step.

Sometimes for some of us, we decide to camp here between the gates and not move forward when it’s time.  It feels safe and we decide we’ve done enough in the past and don’t want to move forward.  In fact…sometimes we want to be back in the previous field because we’re afraid to embrace what’s coming next.  We can wait too long between the gates.

As I stand here, I can hear loud voices through the next gate and I feel intimidated.  They sound self assured and loud.  Maybe I will wait here for longer.  I know I should have walked through the gate a while ago but I feel like there’s a huge invisible wall that’s grown in it’s way.  Where and when did I lose my confidence?  Was it in the diagnosis I received?  The pain of a broken relationship?  The loss of my loved one?  Or was it because I have waited here too long?  Maybe a mix of all of these. 

If I stay here too long my life will become dry and stale.  However, God is encouraging me to push through that new gate.  To trust Him.  To take a risk, though it’s not a risk at all because He is with me all the way. 

“I hear the Lord saying “I will stay close to you, instructing and guiding you along the pathway for your life.  I will advise you along the way and lead you forth with my eyes as your guide”  Psalm 32:8

As I turn to walk through the next gate, my heart is racing but I know God is with me.  I see a new meadow and the freedom of a blue sky and feel His motivation nudging me and spurring me forward.  In the place of lethargy, I feel fresh ideas rising up and creativity begin to stir. 

Do you feel like you’re stuck between the gates? 

Are you feeling impatient and wanting to race into the next field?  Wait and allow His love and healing to soak into you and give time for Him to equip you first. 

Do you feel like you’ve been here too long?  Take courage and trust in His leading.  He’s with you and He has so much more for you.

Unfailing Words

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“For no word from God will ever fail” Luke 1:37

I’m sat in a well-known coffee shop enjoying a bowl of hot soup on an average January day.  I’ll be completely honest, I’ve found it so hard to get motivated this week and really didn’t feel like writing (not that I don’t love chatting with you – but you know what I mean :D).  Being a goal orientated person I generally love a clean sheet to begin getting organised and make fresh plans and I’m sure many of you are the same.  So…why is it SO hard to get motivated in January!! We have a whole fresh year ahead of us and for most people January is fairly bland and empty, so it’s the perfect time to crack on and get into things – yet we’d rather sit on the sofa with a hot chocolate and watch films all day! It’s funny, because in a few months when the weather starts picking up and we’re going out much more, I’ll be wishing I had more time to do these things!

As always God gave me my word for the year on New Year’s Eve and this year it is literally The Year of the Word…Awesome!  January’s so often a time when we think back to ‘Words’ God has spoken to us over the past year and re-position ourselves once again.  Many people make New Year’s resolutions at this time of year which tend to fade pretty quickly, but God’s word over our lives NEVER fails.  I was really excited when I read this scripture this morning as know it’s a promise each and every one of us needs to hold onto.

When God speaks a Word into our lives we generally feel so encouraged, sometimes nervous and often excited.  It’s interesting sadly though, that as time moves on, it’s like the truth and power of that Word seems to dilute.  Of course, this is not because God’s faithfulness changes, it’s because our faith and patience wanes.  To put this tiny but powerful scripture in context, this sentence is spoken by the angel Gabriel to Mary – straight from the mouth of an angel!!  I reckon if anyone knows God well, other than Jesus and the Spirit, it’s the angels!  He spoke this to Mary as he told her about the coming of Jesus.  He declared it as a fact and a promise for her to hold onto.  I wanted to share this with you today to encourage you to keep this scripture in your heart and mind and speak it out whenever you need it this year.

There are so many promises in the Bible to read and hold onto.  Be assured today that He will never leave you or forsake you; He knew you before you were even born; He who began a good work in you will continue it until completion; He loves you with an everlasting love; if you believe in Him He will give you eternal life.  He walks beside you, loves you, heals you, directs you, knows you.  Whenever you doubt that, remember this very special verse from an angel “For no word from God will EVER fail”.

All those words spoken over your life WILL come to fruition in His time.  Hold onto Him and let Him walk you through each day, knowing He has you, He will never forget you and He will never forsake you.

Father, thank you for Your word.  Thank you that You speak into my life in so many ways.  Thank you for Your promises.  I’m so grateful today that You understand how hard it is for me to hold on sometimes but you give me Your amazing word to keep me going.  Thank you that Your word will NEVER EVER fail.  In Your Name, Amen.

 

Unimaginable Sacrifice

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“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

As it’s Good Friday today, I thought I’d share some of my thoughts of what Jesus has shown me over this last year. I have shared before about how sometimes I can feel a little immune to many stories that happened and are spoken about in the Bible, because I was brought up on them so have always known them. I don’t think I’ll ever be immune to my feelings about the crucifixion…However, I don’t think I could even slightly access the depth of what Jesus really did until now. I am forever grateful for what He did for me on and through the cross and thank Him for that every day. So last Easter I decided to focus, not just on what He accomplished for me, but what He did for mankind. As it was my Year of Sacrifice and I spent the whole year wanting to get to know Jesus in a far deeper way, Easter was particularly poignant.

Recently I’ve watched a fair few documentaries and ‘real’ dramas about difficult issues. In my naivety I had no idea of the sadness of the red light area in Amsterdam with the prostitutes in the shop-like windows. I have heard and watched testimonies of child abuse, murder, exploitation, sex trafficking, abandonment, manipulation. All heart-breaking and hard to get your head around. I will mention at this point that this is not all I’ve been filling my head with, but there does seem to have been a lot more of it in the media recently.

Isaiah 53:5 NIV says “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” The NLT verse 4,5 says 4 “Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.”

It breaks me to think of this happening to Him just for my sin but when I think of Him taking upon Himself all the sin of the world…past, present and future…I cannot contain the shock and grief I feel. One of the things I always respect God for so much is that He can see all the terrible terrible things that go in our world – all the pain, hurt, grief, disappointment and shame. If I were to feel that on behalf of just one other person, especially if they had been through terrible things or caused terrible things, I could not contain the shame and pain. Yet…He sees it all every day and still loves us so much. Jesus had to literally take all of that on Himself – billions of people’s hurt, confusion, pain and shame. I have tears rolling down my face as I’m typing this. He did it though…because of His great love for us…and went into hell on our behalf, then rose again in such glory to bring us the incredible eternal life that we don’t deserve and to walk with us through every moment of our lives.

This Easter, allow Him to stretch your mind a little so you can grasp just a little bit of what the cross really means.

Burning Fire

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Fire

“Why do you turn away from me?” Job 13:24

Sitting glaring into a crackling fire always makes me feel at peace.  Unfortunately, we don’t have a real fireplace in my house or a wood burner but I find having a crackling fire in 4K still does the trick. There’s something about the constancy of the burning flames that calms my worries and fears. Last week I was chatting to someone at church and actually caught myself saying to them, “Well, all we can do now is pray and trust God”. What??? This is something I think we say a lot – or is it just me? ALL we can do…well actually that is always ALL we can do. For some reason we feel this compelling desire to help God to do His job and to try and control outcomes. Then when we’ve exhausted our resources we finally let go and allow Him to move and work. Thinking about it in this moment it’s quite amusing – we, who are weak and dependant on a God who has all power to change any situation and has an amazing plan for our lives, for some reason behave as if we can do better and don’t surrender and allow Him to work.

This year I’m determined to read the Bible in One Year and I’m using Nicky Gumbel’s brilliant app to do so. A short while ago the OT readings were in Job. I don’t think any of us will ever fully understand why God allowed the things to happen to Job that took place in his life but sitting here looking into this crackling fire, it makes me think how constant He is in our lives. How terrible it would be to lose my family; to lose all my possessions; to be covered in incredibly painful sores as he was…but not only that…to have to go through it all without the intimacy of God’s presence. That was the most painful part for Job. Of course, eventually everything was restored to Job far more than before but as he was walking through the valley he must have felt so helpless.

Today, let’s not take for granted the constancy of our Father’s love and provision for us. No matter what turmoil we are in, His unending love burns and crackles for us…the flames of His compassion and the roar of His power to carry us and heal every pain never dies down – never grows cold. Trusting in the steady, safe and sureness of this should be our full focus. Knowing that when we rest in Him in surrender He takes care of everything. There’s nowhere His love and power can’t reach. He plans our very steps and walks with us as we take each one.

Remember today, He has gone before you and He is with you. Trust in the constancy of His love and support – He’s got you and He will never let you go.

Don’t despise the Small Things

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hobbit photos

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin”

Zechariah 4:10

Anyone who has met me in person will know I am not the tallest person around…in fact, though I have a rather loud voice, I’m only a mere 4ft 11. Throughout my life, I’ve often felt like there are far more drawbacks to being small than gains…not being able to see at events; dreading anyone sitting in front of me at the cinema, not being able to reach things in the supermarket (even yesterday!); always being called ‘cute’ at secondary school (you might think ‘Aw’ but when you’re trying to make your mark on the world it’s not helpful!); people thinking I was always younger than I actually was (I would welcome this one now! :D). Recently though, God has been teaching me to embrace my ‘smallness’. Not just height-wise (though that is part of my uniqueness), but who I am – me – a normal, down-to-earth person.

We spend so much of our lives wishing we were someone else or feeling the pressure to become ‘someone’. All the while God desires that you be ‘you’! There’s only one ‘you’ and never will be again. I encourage you today to make a decision that in 2019 you are going embrace ‘you’. ‘You’ as a friend, parent, child…’You’ designed, loved and cherished by God. Life and love are built one small moment at a time by normal people. God doesn’t need you to succeed by becoming something or someone – He wants to be you to be ‘You’ – the amazing person He created.

If you allow Him to use you as you are in the small moments, He will accomplish great things through you in and through the small moments of your life. I used the picture of The Hobbits at the beginning of this blog because in The Lord of the Rings it isn’t the mighty warriors that overthrow Sauron – it’s the small Hobbits. One tiny step forward at a time, loving and supporting each other, they climb into Mount Doom and destroy the ring of power. Looking at them they look very normal (apart from the hairy feet!) and nothing special, yet the assignment they accomplished was of great importance. I’m sat in a beautiful tea room writing at this moment and I’m surrounded by mothers and daughters, couples and friends happily drinking tea and eating together – sharing life…Normal people but each with a special assignment of sowing into each other’s lives.

Embrace your smallness – be You! Make the most of life’s moments and watch how God uses you to sow into people’s lives. I once read a book about a woman who experienced heaven for a few moments. She said she expected to see all her relatives and friends that she’d lost waiting there for her but instead she saw streams of connection where she’d shared life and God’s love with people and how that in turn had affected others. The streams went on and on and she was blown away by how God had used her small moments of connection and commitment.

The scripture I quoted at the beginning refers to the rebuilding of the Temple, which was built one brick at a time. Keep building those bricks of life and relationship and embrace your uniqueness today and every day.